Well, it's been FOREVER since I've written anything on here (insert this might be a ramble!) I don't know why...maybe we've been a teensy weensy bit busy! New house, new baby....whole new year!
When I was younger, I always said I didn't want kids. It took me a long time..say roughly Feb 2008...to decide that I did want kids. It took meeting Steve....knowing he'd be a hands on dad...knowing he would be just as involved as I was....most of all, knowing he'd love his child as much as I did. That's extremely important to me.
On Monday, Dec 31 at 5 am, we were about 3 in line to fill out paperwork for having a baby! We got called back almost immediately because we were a planned C-section vs induction. Steve was like a giddy little girl...and I was a nervous wreck. Nervous about the process, not about Elleigh. Who am I kidding..they were about to cut me wide open..and my brother in law Tom had told all about how they take out your organs and then baby..ha! He told Steve..most important...stay north of the tent and don't look over! In my head, I kept telling myself to think about some of the people that have kids..and if they could do it, I could do it better!
So on to the surgical room we go. Steve's cracking jokes the whole time getting dressed...and I think a lot of it was to try to ease my nervousness. He came in after I had my spinal (which yes I cried through...I think more because I was nervous than the pain....), blue tent is up. Then, he did it. He looked over the tent. He got a strange look on his face and asked me if I the spinal was ready. I said I wasn't sure...and he kinda laughed and said he hoped so because she was already cutting. Then I remember hearing...here we go..and felt a little pushing and pulling....then heard Dr. Callison say "holy shit at the hair!" I'm just laying there like what??? Then, I saw her. My beautiful little girl. It was only for a second, but she got to be with her daddy from then on.
After she was here, and I heard her cry, and I laid my eyes and hands on her, it was the biggest relief. She was here and she was safe. Then one of the housekeeping women asked if Steve was a comedian...because she felt like she was in a Cheech and Chong movie the whole time. What in the world was he doing?????
It's been almost a month. I can't believe my baby is almost a month old! In typical mommy fashion, she's the most beautiful little girl I've ever seen. Sometimes, I just sit and stare at her, and my eyes well up with tears. She's ours and she's ok. Most of all, she's ok. She's got a head full of dark hair, and the cutest pouty lips.
I think her eyes are going to be like her daddy's and be a blueish grey color. I love how little and petite she is..she's just now filling out her newborn clothes! I love putting bows in her hair, and love how people are so happy for us. So many of you have been on our baby journey with us, and have been so wonderful in celebrating her life with us. Words can't express how grateful we are. And I'm sure we will continue to gush over her! Even at 2 am, exhausted and ready to cry myself, when she quits crying, or protesting as we call it, and looks at me or grasps my finger (I don't care if it's a reflex!) and quits, my job is done. I'm mommy, and I'm going to make it better. Whatever "better" is. When daddy walks in and says "Hi little lamb" her little eyes go crazy around the room searching for him. She's going to be daddy's little girl! Most of all, when she's tired, and ready to cuddle, and curls up in my arms, all is right in the world.
The past 3 1/2 weeks has taught me more than the past year. The person who walks right on by you without acknowledging you, although you've known them your whole life...they don't matter. The people who think you shouldn't be honest about how you really feel...it's ok. The people who give you advice, and get upset when you go with your gut and instinct....they'll get over it. Why? Because everything has changed. What I want to do on the weekends..the places I want to go...even the car I drive and how I drive it has changed. What matters now is my baby is healthy, and happy...that my sweet girl knows Mommy and Daddy love her beyond the moon...and that Mommy and Daddy love each other more than ever (ladies without kids..think you can't love your husband any more, or find him any more attractive?? Have his baby and see him fall all over this tiny little bundle of joy....just sayin'...).
Sweet Elleigh Makenna...you've changed our life...and not only Mommy and Daddy's, but so many more. Right now, you are lying beside me, doing your baby kung fu