It's been a while since I've blogged. Maybe after reading this you will understand. I have mixed feelings writing this one. So much has happened in our lives the past few months. Here's a quick recap...
Most of you know about Kiernan. If not, our son was stillborn at 38 weeks. We have no reason why, and most likely, never will. Not a day goes by that I don't wish with everything I have that he was here with me. Several of my friends have either had babies...is having one RIGHT NOW...or has announced they are pregnant. I am so happy for them and wish them nothing but the best. However, sometimes at those low moments, it's just a reminder of what could have been. I apologize to those friends that I haven't really been there for, or those that I've pushed away a bit. Slowly, my heart is healing to the point that it can, and I hope I am too.
We rescued a kitten, Sophie. It was estimated she was about 2 weeks when we got her. We've had to bottle feed her...introduce her to real food..litter box is still in progress! Finn loves her...Steve came home today and they were both cuddled up on a blanket in the recliner sleeping together. -*llllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllkllk...that was Sophie walking across the keyboard! She's starting to be quite the fiesty one.
We celebrated our 2 year anniversary on Monday. What a great man I have married. I can't even begin to say how much I love him. Hopefully, he knows. He's been there for good and bad, ups and downs. He'll never let me live down that I said I was outdoorsy--so what if my version was outdoors with a margarita and his was rock climbing--no gear--over the cliffs over the Atlantic! We had a planned elopement (I'm too anal to have not planned it out) in Vermont. We stayed at an awesome B&B called the Snow Goose Inn. They had wine and cheese every evening...we hiked and played tourists in near by towns. Saw a moose...again! We took the ski lift to the top of the mountain and exchanged vows up there. It was magical. I think we'd agree though that besides getting married, the in house maple cured bacon was our favorite part!!!
For the grand finale...we are pregnant. Can you see his/her hand up by her face with eye, nose, and mouth? The bright white line at the bottom is the spine...
I've struggled with keeping it a secret vs telling. I don't want to hurt anyone who may be going through a difficult time with their own pregnancy...and I'm almost scared to be excited and happy to tell the world incase something goes wrong. Again. But, Steve and I decided that so many of you celebrated Kiernan's life with us, and were there for us during his death. We want this baby to have the same support, no matter how long their life is...whether it's til tomorrow, or til they are 80. So many mixed emotions! Every ache every pain, I'm instantly terrified that I'm miscarrying or that something isn't normal. Like I've told Dr. Callison, I can be a HOT MESS with this go around. But 3 time is a charm right? As of right now, I'm 13 weeks. I've had 3 ultrasounds, with everything being normal. Today, I had my high risk appointment with Dr Gonzales-Ruiz of Bham (he comes to Hville x1 week). I was a nervous wreck....I didn't know what to expect and I was terrified of any bad news. If I don't see a baby right away on the US I automatically think nothing is there and am instantly terrified. Thankfully, there was! Their US was a little different than what they use at the dr's office...little more indepth. I didn't really know at the time, but they were looking for any chromosomal abnormalities as well as any heart or brain defects. I got to see the baby jumping around and covering his/her face with their hands. The heartbeat was strong and steady. They checked the heart valves and I got to see the blood pumping in and out of the vessels. It was really pretty cool. I'm glad they know what they are looking at because half of the time I didn't. The spine looked good as well. Dr. GR said there was nothing per the US that caused him any concern, and that all looked normal. I had some blood work done today as well, and that will be a back up for the US. I guess this is the new and improved way instead of an amnio. If anything indicated any problems, then I had be scheduled for one of those, but thankfully, I don't have to be! I go see Dr. Callison next week. The plan is still the same. I will be having monthly ultrasounds. I will get a steroid shot at 32 weeks to mature the lungs faster. I will also start bi weekly fetal heart monitoring at the hospital. As of right now, we will be planning for a birthday party on Dec 31.
If I've learned anything the past few months, it's to be a little more assertive in what I need or want from others. Some of you may not think it's the time, or that we are ready. I ask that you please just keep that to yourself. While we weren't planning this this quickly, we are ecstatic, and nervous, and everything in between. We ask that you pray for us, think about us, and support us on our journey. I hope to keep up with things a bit more here now that the secret is out.
They even had a guess as to whether it's gonna be Ellie or Caeden!