I was in a bad mood for most of the day. The kind of mood where you just want to punch someone in the face. Anybody. Why? Just because. However, I didn't want to waste money on bail, so I refrained. So...if I bit your head off today...so sorry!
There are days that I could easily let grief over take my life. Some days, I think it does a bit. Some days seem so dark, with no end in sight. When people try to be comforting, I just want to scream and yell. Let's add something physical in there and add punch something. I want someone else to understand and feel my pain and sorrow, the grief and anger. I want someone to should it. Yet, I don't want anyone to have to go through this.This is my reality and I'm the only one who can do it. Steve told me the other day that "I don't know why but we are right where we are supposed to be for whatever reason".
So, while all the bad gets vented, I want to brag on some good.
I have a great mom and sister. They have been there every second of this. The good and the bad. The crying or the trash magazines. I'm thankful for them every day.
I have an awesome support system of friends. They try to understand what I'm going through, and what I need. Sometimes I don't even know what I need. I'm thankful that they are there for me through the good and bad. I know it can't be easy to be my friend lately.
Lastly, my husband. I have an ahhh-mazing husband. He's not always the most socially appropriate person, or the most romantic...he even has a potty mouth at times. But this man..this man has stood by me through thick and thin the past 4 1/2 years. He moved to Bama for me to be closer to my family, even though I know he'd rather be living in RI. Pretty selfish of me huh? There are days that he seems fine and that he's not affected by this any more. Yet I know he grieves for his son. I know he was excited and nervous and everything in between. He's one of the reasons for my happy days. I'll never be able to express to him how I truly feel about him.
So, for today, and for tomorrow, I am going to be okay with my bad mood moments, and my good mood moments. I'm going to write in my new purple pen and use my new hot pink highlighter. Some times I have to hang on to those stupid little things and sail on through the day.
Welcome to my corner of crazy! Why sunshine and penguins you ask? Because one of the first things Steve did that made me laugh was have an icebreaker code of "fat penguin"...and he calls me sunshine!
Colored pens rock. I'm not sure why. Maybe it's a hold over from junior high but a purple pen always makes me feel better. :)
ReplyDeleteAnd I hope people are being kind to that husband of yours. I know mine often felt forgotten. People never seemed to ask him how he was. In fact they'd see him and just ask how I was. Like he wasn't supposed to be as sad as I was. There was one nurse in our Children's Hospital who walked up to him and gave him a hug one day. He about lost it. Until that point I hadn't even noticed that he wasn't getting the sympathy I was. Poor guy.
Ok, rant done. :) Hang in there. I know that's crappy advice. I'm enjoying (? Totally the wrong word...) reading your blog.